


Box Full of Honey

by Stormkpr



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: M/M, New Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:34:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28194798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stormkpr/pseuds/Stormkpr
Summary: Jackson’s never been in a relationship before – he’s hardly even been kissed before. But with the world about to end, he knows he has it bad for Miller. Miller’s not going to want the hassle of being with someone so inexperienced though, is he?Canon-compliant, starting right before Praimfaya.T/W – No outright smut, but there is frank discussion of sexuality.
Relationships: Eric Jackson/Nathan Miller
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7
Collections: Mackson Secret Santa 2020





	Box Full of Honey

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FrozenMemories](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrozenMemories/gifts).



> I’ve always headcanoned that Jackson had at least one romantic relationship before Miller. But we’ll never really know since canon didn’t tell us. So what if Miller was the first?
> 
> This fic is a gift for FrozenMemories. Thank you to Penguin of Prose and Lexi for beta testing!

Jackson sits next to Miller inside the rover. Murphy and Emori are in the back, and the four of them are heading towards a bunker that Jaha has discovered. Jackson knows there are a hundred things he should be thinking about, such as how that bunker will sustain them all for five years or the fact that Raven decided to stay on Becca’s island or the help Abby will need from him to set up med bay. And of course there is the fact that “fiery death in five days” is coming, as Miller put it so well.

But instead his mind is on one thing. Right before they’d been grabbed by Azgeda, he had let Miller know of his interest. He’d “made a pass at him”, as his mother would’ve termed it. Miller’s response had been open to interpretation, but it definitely wasn’t negative. And then Azgeda had nabbed them, thrown them into a jail cell, and then finally released them. After that it was a mad dash to Becca’s island in a race against time to pick up Raven, Murphy, and Emori. There had been no time for talking, much less flirting.

Until, possibly, now?

Because now they are back inside the rover with a long drive to the bunker ahead of them, and as Jackson ascertains when he cranes his head around, Murphy and Emori are asleep in the back. The couple is curled up together, their breathing synched. Jackson keeps looking at them. Back on the island, he and Abby had been about to experiment on Emori. If it had failed, Murphy likely would have been next. Jackson is not sure if his conscience can ever let him recover from that. And here they are now, making their way to a bunker which will shelter them from the deathwave.

And yet all Jackson can think about – **still** \-- is Nathan Miller. And whether or not his interest in Miller is reciprocated. During their time on the island together, Jackson observed him and came to the conclusion that Miller is a strong, brave, smart man with a sense of ethics and a sense of humor. And he’s single too, a fact which Jackson is aware of thanks to a breakfast when Murphy grilled Miller about his relationship with Bryan. Miller – perhaps just to get Murphy to shut up – had finally relented and said that yes, they’d had a discussion right before this mission and yes, it was definitely over between them.

“They sleeping?” Miller asks, breaking the silence. He keeps his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yeah. You must be exhausted too,” Jackson says gently.

“I’m on pure adrenaline now,” Miller says evenly. “And this helps,” he says, tapping the thermos of coffee from the island. “We’ve got to get to that bunker.”

“We’ll make it. They said we have plenty of time.”

“Yeah,” Miller says. He turns to glance at Jackson. “Hey,” he begins, his tone clearly about to take them on a new path, “so before Azgeda decided to interrupt us…I, uh, wasn’t imagining it, was I? You were saying you were interested in me, right?”

Jackson has just a second or two to mull this over before replying. The fact that Miller is bringing this up – what does it mean? If he wasn’t interested in Jackson, wouldn’t he just pretend the earlier moment had never happened? No, no….Jackson tells himself to keep a lid on his excitement. Maybe Miller simply wants a cordial relationship with one of the only doctors during the next five years so he’s decided to take the mature approach and let Jackson down gently but directly.

Regardless, Jackson knows this is not the time to backpedal or play it safe. He has lived with far too many regrets.

“I was. I am.”

“I’m interested too. Maybe once we’re in that bunker, we can spend some time together,” Miller says. His voice sounds almost the same as always though the trademark sarcasm is gone, and there’s a smoothness that Jackson would liken to honey. Honey that he ate for the first – and certainly the last – time on Becca’s island.

“I’d like that,” Jackson says. And then he can only wonder what on god’s earth he’s supposed to do now. Does he take Miller’s hand and hold it? No, Miller needs it on the steering wheel. At least, Jackson assumes that’s how it works; he’s certainly never driven one of these things before. Does he gently place a hand on Miller’s thigh? No. Way too forward.

_Okay, but what do I do? Think, Jackson! You’ve observed countless couples, romances, hook-ups, and everything in between._

_Just never actually **participated** in any of them. At all._

_So…do I tell him that? And do I tell him that now or later?_

Jackson’s worries are sidelined when Miller speaks again. He talks about their experience in the Azgeda prison and he wonders about the bunker. He talks about his dad, he wonders what Bellamy is up to, and he worries about Raven. Miller always asks Jackson for his thoughts and views, and seems to really listen when Jackson answers. He also asks Jackson a bit more about his past, his life on the Ark.

Jackson guesses that some of Miller’s sudden talkativeness stems from the fact that he knows he needs to stay awake and alert as he drives. Jackson is on the same page, knowing that the caffeine from the coffee can only do so much – so Jackson does his part to keep Miller alert and engaged. Plus he just really enjoys talking with him. Their conversation seems to naturally flow, and it doesn’t hit any roadblocks. As for Jackson’s dilemma about how much to share with Miller about his romantic inexperience, he simply puts it to the side for now. They have plenty of other things to talk about, and although Miller asks him a bit about his past, he doesn’t broach Jackson’s relationship history. Which is a relief right now.

“Hey. Can you lovebirds stop the rover? Emori and I need a bathroom break.”

Murphy’s voice is jarring. Jackson is startled to realize that not only are Murphy and Emori awake, but that the “lovebirds” comment means they have successfully read between the lines.

***

Looking back, Jackson will have no words to describe the next hours and days. Settling into the bunker with Skaikru. The bunker door being opened back up, and the grounder clans moving in. Over 350 members of Skaikru being carried outside to face radiation and the deathwave – including Miller’s father.

Fear, anxiety, heartbreak, disbelief, guilt.

Days spent trying to just function, putting one foot in front of the other.

Jackson and Miller did grab one moment before the grounders moved in, back when they had a minute to breathe, back when they had let themselves believe there’d be a time of peace and stability. It was after a meal that they took along with Miller’s dad. Just as inside the rover, the conversation had flowed easily. Someone was going around with a tablet, jotting down rooming assignments. “Looks like it’ll be three to a room,” they had said. “Doctor Jackson, any preferences?”

“As long as my room is near med bay,” Jackson had answered.

“That’s already covered.” A pause. “The three of you look happy enough. You want to be roommates?”

Jackson and the Millers had answered with variations on “sure”, and that was done. After the meal, the elder Miller went about some business, leaving Jackson and Miller inside their room to unpack.

The kiss had happened easily and naturally. Miller had initiated it, standing close to him and gently reaching for him.

Jackson had tried to enjoy it though he feared his inexperience had to be setting off blaring alarms. When he wasn’t worried about awkwardness, Jackson would’ve admitted that he enjoyed the kiss. It was shockingly intimate and thrilling and it did things to his heart that he couldn’t explain solely through science. He had been wanting Miller’s lips on his since Becca’s island – maybe since the drones had pinned them down together – and now, at last, he had them. And he wanted more.

But then the door had opened, Abby had said she needed him in med bay, and somehow Murphy had been standing in the hall just then so he had to make a bawdy comment to Miller. The moment was over.

***

And now, here Jackson is. It has been 14 days since Praimfaya, and Jackson is getting used to his new life, his new reality. He copes the way he always has, by healing others. Plenty of the grounders have old injuries that were never treated appropriately, and he does what he can to help them. There are new injuries too; brawls are not unknown here. Jackson just hopes that none of the fighting gets out of hand.

“Brought you dinner.”

Miller enters med bay with a smile on his face. He carries “dinner” in the palm of his hand: one of the last nutrition cubes from the Ark. Skaikru moved their last crates of them into the bunker, and now of course they are distributed evenly to all at mealtimes. They dull the appetite for eight hours and provide nutrients. Jackson can only smile wistfully as he takes it.

“What are you thinking about?” Miller asks.

“That the food – and everything else – on Becca’s island must’ve all been a dream. I remember drinking tea with honey.” He swallows the cube, chasing it with a swing of water from his canteen.

“Does seem like a dream now. You and Abby are the only other people left who’ll even remember that place.”

“No one will believe us when we talk about it,” Jackson adds. He looks at Miller. Talking about loss doesn’t seem to be getting any easier. Not for them or for anyone. Miller’s dad – gone. Bellamy, Clarke, Murphy, Emori and Raven – all surely gone, their crazy-sounding mission back to space certainly just a pipedream. There’s a hollowness thinking about these losses, a hollowness that won’t likely be filled.

But when Miller is around, Jackson feels a bit less hollow.

“Thanks for bringing dinner,” Jackson continues.

“No problem. Abby said you had a patient.” Miller looks around. “Looks quiet in here now though.”

“I took care of her and asked her to stay for a bit, but she refused. Grounders are even more stubborn than Skaikru.” He then shakes his head. “I need to do a better job learning about their different clans. And learning Trig.”

Miller puts a hand on Jackson’s chest. “We’ll get there. We got five damn years down here. Got plenty of time.”

Miller then pulls Jackson into a hug, which soon turns into a kiss. As always, Jackson happily returns the kiss. He would even guess that maybe he’s getting good at kissing, though he can’t do much to verify that other trying to estimate Miller’s reactions. The touch of Miller’s lips is the same as it has been for Jackson – electric and thrilling. But also reassuring, a touch of sweet comfort within the chaos.

“Hey, Jacks. I got a question,” Miller begins, pulling back a bit and looking at Jackson’s eyes.

Jackson loves Miller’s new nickname for him. He gives Miller a look that he hopes encourages him to continue while he still takes a moment to relish the fact that Miller calls him something that no one else does.

“I, uh, feel like you’re my boyfriend - but also it’s weird because our relationship is….chaste,” Miller begins. “So, uh, I gotta ask - you do want to have sex with me someday, right? I mean, no rush and no pressure. But….someday?”

The circumstances of their lives simply have not made sex inevitable - in fact, for most couples sex is almost impossible here. They sleep eight to a room now. Jackson has passed people coupling in remote corridors, and everyone has a tale of roommates going at it heedless of who else might still be awake. There is even discussion of making a half-full storage room into a “sex room” that can be booked, and it seems likely that might happen. Sex is one of the few pleasures left for the human race right now, but the bunker doesn’t allow much spontaneity.

All of the above plus the fact that Jackson is sexually inexperienced means that Jackson simply hasn’t pushed the issue. He and Miller kiss often. They hug, they hold hands. As for arousal and release, Jackson assumes Miller does what he does – takes care of himself later, under the blankets or in the shower.

But Miller has been open and honest with him – especially right now - and Jackson knows he deserves a straightforward answer.

“I’m glad you brought this up,” Jackson replies. He forces himself to meet Miller’s gaze though he wants to flinch. “And I definitely feel like you’re my boyfriend too. I, uh, was glad to hear you say that. As for sex, I really, really want to. I want it badly. But…I need to tell you something, Nate.”

Jackson knows he must have struck a grave tone because Miller’s eyes have widened and he looks mildly alarmed. Though from the way his mouth opens and then closes right away, Miller is trying to hide it, Jackson guesses.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before,” Jackson admits, deciding to just come out and say it. “I know lots of people hook-up but…” he forces a smile and spreads his hands. “I never really have, or not that much anyway. There, uh, there was one guy back up on the Ark. He was older than me. We’d fool around a couple times and he blew me once. Er - well, he kind of blew me.”

Somehow Jackson’s last words seem to break the awkwardness. He and Miller both simultaneously laugh, and the question “How do you ‘ _kind of_ ’ blow someone??” is asked, and more laughing ensues. It is just what they need.

When their laughter dies down, Jackson takes a breath and concludes, with a tilt of the head, “And that’s as much sex as I’ve ever had with anyone.” His face is hot, either from embarrassment or from their shared laughter.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Miller says, back to being serious now. Jackson had guessed this would be Miller’s reaction. Warm, supportive, comforting – Jackson again thinks back to the honey he tasted on Becca’s island and can almost feel it soothing the inside his mouth. “That’s no problem. And I won’t rush you.” He stands close to Jackson and has a hand on his back.

Jackson nods. “I’m not all that….uh, afraid of anything; it’s nothing like that. But that’s why I haven’t really pushed for it. I know it can be awkward...”

Miller shrugs. “I mean, even with two people who have experience, it can still be really awkward the first time with someone new. It’s just how sex is. No one’s a mind-reader…it’s easier if people communicate.”

“Yes,” Jackson says. He shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “I feel kind of ashamed. That at my age I’ve never had sex.”

“You’ve spent your life healing people,” Miller says firmly. “You have nothing to feel ashamed of.”

Jackson is quiet, just taking a moment to absorb that. “We will do what you said a second ago then,” Jackson says, his voice firm. “Communicate. What, uh, what about you? I mean, in terms of past experience?” Miller has never said anything about any previous love interest before Bryan, so Jackson thinks he knows the answer. Jackson has avoided mentioning Bryan or Sgt Miller or Bellamy too much the past two weeks, other than sometimes asking Miller if he wants to talk or needs someone to listen.

“I’m like you,” Miller says simply. “Not really into hook-ups.” He shakes his head, “Never slept with anyone other than Bryan.”

Jackson nods. He’s not sure if he should again ask Miller if he wants to talk about the loss of Bryan or any others.

And then Miller seems to signal that he doesn’t want to go that route. “Thanks for answering and being honest with me,” Miller continues.

“Thank you for asking! I’m glad you did. I knew I was going to need to bring it up someday, but I wasn’t sure when. It’s been so crazy here.” Jackson knows he might possibly be rambling now. He looks over his shoulder. “Uh, the operating theater behind us. There are curtains. There’s privacy. Niylah might have, uh, used it once for sex – the door locks but I stayed outside here, making sure no one tried the door anyway – just to be safe.” He tilts his head and smiles. “So she owes me a favor….”

“She does?” Miller asks, his eyebrows raised, his voice having gone from serious to flirty. “Should we cash in that favor then?” He brings his lips to Jackson’s ear and whispers the question.

“We should. I’ll talk to her, find out when….”

“You’re trembling,” Miller notices, pulling back a bit and looking into Jackson’s eyes. “You sure I’m not rushing you?” he asks softly.

“I’m sure. I’m just excited. Like I want it to be now.”

“I know. I---“

But it will not be now. The door to med bay opens and Jackson is needed.

***

Instead, their time comes two days later, after many preparations. Arrangements with Niylah are made, and a time is found when neither Miller nor Jackson is technically on duty. Water for bathing is procured and used right before their allotted time. Even Abby needed to be made aware of what is going on since she runs med bay. (Fortunately Abby just smiled sedately and said she’s happy for Jackson, and left it at that. Even still, it ranks among the most awkward conversations Jackson has held, ever). Now they just need to hope that no emergencies requiring the use of the operating room come up.

As Jackson stands inside the room and arranges the curtains, he has to smile wryly at all the preparations. Maybe in another time and place – perhaps somewhere like Becca’s island before the first apocalypse - they could have allowed passion to overtake them and made love spontaneously. Perhaps in another world, lovers were able to drink honeyed wine and listen to piano music as they gazed into each other’s eyes and let things play out. Not here.

Miller arrives and the door is closed. Jackson’s heart pounds and his mouth is dry. He turns to look at his boyfriend.

“I’m glad we have this place,” Miller says, breaking the ice. “Sometimes I pass the couples doing it against the wall in the hallway, and I’m like ‘hell no, no thank you.’” He tilts his head, “Although maybe that’s better than James loudly masturbating at night. I’m like ‘Shit, I don’t care how good of an engineer you are, can you keep this quiet??’”

His words are just what Jackson needs. He joins Miller in smiling. He even guesses that Miller imagined he’d need something to get him to relax right now and might’ve had these quips ready to go. They served their purpose, and Jackson pulls Miller towards him, brushing his lips against his. There is talking, there is more humor from Miller and more laughter, there is kissing, and hugging, and clothes being shed quickly.

Later, when Jackson thinks back upon their first time together, three things will stand out for him. One, the shock of naked skin against naked skin. It indeed felt as sensuous and indulgent as he’d hoped it would. Second was the pure animalistic aspect of it – Miller’s skill with his lips and tongue brought Jackson explosive sensations that he’d never felt before, and he already craves them again. Third and most important, there was the knowledge that he’d picked the right man. Miller might be a tough guard who carries a gun but he’s also sensitive and kind, and very patient during Jackson’s admittedly clumsy attempts to reciprocate. He makes Jackson’s heart pound, and the doctor wonders when it might be the right time to use the “L” word. Possibly soon.

“I can’t believe we haven’t been interrupted yet,” Miller says. He lies on his back, with Jackson turned towards him, resting his head in the vicinity of Miller’s shoulder and chest.

“Any second now I’m sure,” Jackson laughs. “I hope I don’t have to perform surgery in my underwear.” He pauses and then says, his voice serious, “You were great.”

“So were you.” He reaches for Jackson’s hand and kisses it, sparking even more feelings of warmth inside Jackson’s heart. “Thanks for taking the leap with me.”

“The pleasure was all mine,” Jackson says, and then both men laugh at the cliché. They lay there together until duty calls. As Jackson begins to dress, he speculates that the next five years might be not only tolerable but maybe even joyous with this man at his side.

**THE END**

_Author’s Note:_ The fic’s title comes from a song by Duran Duran. I just like the song, and there’s a line about flirting in it which made me think back to Jackson’s famous “I could keep you company” line.


End file.
